April 17, 2008

The Tale of Two Dead Baby Pigeons, or Doves.




From Wikipedia:

The Rock Pigeon breeds at any time of the year, but peak times are spring and summer.

Nesting sites are situated along coastal cliff faces, as well as the artificial cliff faces created by apartment buildings with accessible ledges or roof spaces.

The type of nest constructed is a flimsy platform of straw and sticks, put on ledge, under cover. Often window ledges of buildings.

Two white eggs are laid with incubation that is shared by both parents lasting from seventeen to nineteen days. The nestling has pale yellow down and a flesh-coloured bill with a dark band. It is tended and fed on "crop milk".
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My third floor balcony held host to one of nature's miracles this spring. Little did I know what lay just beneath my cigarette butts.

One day while looking over the edge at a not-unattractive lady pushing her kid on a stroller, I spied an eye looking up at me from the rain gutter just within my line of sight. It was a very nervous pigeon sitting in a nest. It dawned on me that without me knowing, my cigarette breaks were giving this pigeon a mini heart attack once every two hours, 10 times a day (I smoke a lot). And for a second I felt bad.

In due time, I learned that pigeons make great mothers for it seemed as if she was not going to ever leave her eggs, even if it meant her life. And believe me, on many occasions I tried to take it. After one particular failed attempt which involved a firecracker tucked inside a piece of bread, I called it quits. I wasn't to bother her (too much) anymore, and I was to smoke inside, where such actions were meant to take place.

Over the next few weeks, the pigeon and her brood to be became a very boring conversation piece with my infrequent apartment guests.

Typically the guests would venture out onto the balcony to get away from me, and I would say,
"Hey, there is a nest there." and they would reply, "I see that."
Then I would the say, "its a pigeon." and they would reply, "no, I think its a dove."
And I would say, "dove, pigeon, does it make a difference?"
End of conversation.

Turns out that doves and pigeons are one and the same according to the internets. And they are monogamous in their relationships. Both mother and father incubate the eggs. But for simplicity's sake I would refer to the parents as the single mother. Besides its hard for the untrained eye to tell the difference between a male and female.

On the topic of the internet, I read somewhere that birds seek food with their right eye and look for predators with their left. I am not sure where I had read this or if it has any scientific merit. But it was really thought provoking when I read it.

So back on track, over the course of a week, before my very eyes, occurred the miracle of life. All of a sudden, like some freak of nature or something, what once was mere eggs, sprouted into two baby pigeons that looked nothing like their absentee father. I joke. But they were really ugly. Their single mother apparently left them alone as she gathered food. They looked fragile shivering in the blue morning light. The mother came as that queer thought came into being.

A stare-off commenced. My two eyes to her single eye, on that tiny cocked oval head of hers. Her confrontational stance was like a momma bear protecting her cubs. Ferocious that pigeon was. But foolishly she was using the right eye. I knew she couldn't win with the pussy food-seeking eye. A lesser man would have looked the other way, but I was not lesser.

To my misjudgment, after an hour, I could look no longer. An hour is a lot of time for a superior intellect to think. That intellect said I was the fool because it was the other way around. She would have lost if it was her predator eye not her food eye. If it was her predator eye she would have cried like a baby because it would have told her to run. But instead, the food eye showed her what she wanted, and at that moment she wanted my blood. I learned my lesson fool me once.

As another week passed, the two baby pigeons got big fast. Their adult feathers were emerging and their baby feathers were shedding. I was impressed. I thought about how lucky they were to be born in this rain gutter in the city. Although they were in plain sight there were no obvious predators that could snatch them from where they slept. I was sure. That night was when the hooing began.

I thought nothing of the hooing. For all I knew it could have been a 'cooing'. Pigeons coo. I definitely did not think owl, the thought didn't even cross my mind. Were there even any indigenous owls in Virginia? I didn't think so. I thought it was just some dumb species of bird that I knew nothing about, like the pigeons.

The next day I noticed that instead of two baby pigeons, there was only one. Was it connected to the hoos heard the other night? Once again, the thought didn't even cross my mind, for all I knew the remaining baby pigeon ate the other, in a strategic move which proved Darwin's theory of survival of the fittest, or something like that. I shook my head. What a shame I thought. I looked over towards the sidewalk three floors down just in case it had fallen. Nothing.

The following night the hoos continued and were more prevalent. In the morning all that was left was an empty nest.

In retrospect, I think maybe it could have been an owl. Owls do 'hoo' and they are night time predators that eat small animals. But to that I'll never be one hundred percent sure. So whatever happened to those baby pigeons, doves, or whatever they were called, still remains a mystery.

However, I do know to a certainty that their mommy did not give them a piggy-back ride to another pigeon friendly place like New York (by the way pigeons, you are considered pests there). The babies were most likely dead. Nature is a cruel mistress, she creates life and then forever has them looking over their shoulder with their right eye, when they should have been looking with their left.

March 21, 2008

So long Television news.

You stole my youth, swindler. But now, I leave to reclaim my humanity. Admit it, your business is inhumane. It was a good roller coaster ride, fun for a while, until I puked into my mouth. Remember this European phrase, 'i work to live'... that shall be my mantra from here on out. The other way is unrealistic.

January 06, 2008

comedy, tragedy, or tragedy?

I apologize for my behavior the other night. It was inappropriate of me to punch your
boyfriend, kick your dog, and pull down your pants. How was I supposed to know you
weren’t wearing panties? My fault. I was drunk. But after all, it was a party, and where
there is a party there is booze and where there is booze there is me. I would understand
if I was never invited to one of your parties again. But let us still be friends. Tom
your boyfriend too.
I am truly and completely remorseful. But lets be fair. How was I supposed to know
that it was not a “lets get wasted” party? Come on, you have to admit that some was on
me but a lot was on you too. Why have the rows upon rows of vintage wine in your cellar
if it wasn’t for consumption? And shall I remind you it wasn’t me that ran out of toilet
paper. Did you know that paper towels did not flush? If you did, you should have told
me. My bad for the mess. Or was it?
I am rambling. Its not your fault I acted the drunken fool. Nor am I attempting to imply
it was your fault. That fire was totally my fault. You told me not to ignite those fireworks,
the ones I proudly paraded around to your friends. I was proud. They were hard to get.
But you are right, I should have listened to you wise sage. But it was just a small fire. I
will pay for the damages to your “antique” sofa. And I am sorry that I argued against
paying at first, but now I am a little more sober and see my error. You know how they
say that alcohol reveals ones true character? That is not me. That was not me.
Was it totally necessary to call the police on me? It was a party and I was having fun.
True I was masturbating in your bedroom, but calling the cops was totally not necessary.
You could have just told me to leave. That was inappropriate. I was wrong too. Can
you blame a guy for still being attracted to your sexiness. I know you say that we were
never together, but weren’t we not? I know you are going to say that doesn’t make
sense, but neither did our relationship.
Anyways, I am truly sorry, please accept my apologies, don’t blame me, blame the
booze, etceteras etceteras. My bad. Lets still be friends. Feel free to call me. If not I
might call you sometime.

December 18, 2007

The Mediocre.

99.9 percent of Americans grew up thinking they were special. Schools K-12 told students that anything was possible and that all was within their reach. In post education, still riding that high, many kids enrolled in courses that would never attain them financial stability. Psychology, Anthropology, History, Geology, and Art. When they left there was no demand.

Enter the age of mediocrity. And believe it or not, the powers that be are just fine keeping these kids there. In the state of flux. For the mediocre are the pawns that keep the economy rolling. The debt culture is the perfect habitat for the species to dwell.

I am mediocre. I work nine to five, pay my bills on time, and have nothing to show for it. I have ideas, hopes, and dreams because I am a human being. I know risk comes with change, but the logic of risking it all fails. Because what is left is all I got. And if I lost all I got, I am no more. Or am I?

November 26, 2007

The Excavation.


I got a call last week from friend and colleague Dr. Sanders Patterson. He informed me of a job opportunity in Pleasantville Iowa just outside of Des Moines. It was a Chippewa Indian excavation, but the tone of his voice lead me to believe it to be more than that. Otherwise he would not have called on my services for such a basic job. I asked how much it paid, and he said one hundred thousand, which was more than I got paid in 2 years. With my suspicions rising, I asked who was paying, and the answer being 'did I want the job?' Yes, I wanted the job. My final question was, "Sanders, what does a native-american dig want with a Byzantine specialist?"

"Dr. Murkaugh, you'll find out when you get here!" was the reply.

And here it is one week since the phone call. I am at the Des Moines International airport awaiting a ride. I approach a man with a sign that had my name on it.

"I am Dennis Murkaugh."

I was driven through the city heading southeast. The tree shadows were creating a strobe effect with the sun, that left me feeling dazed. In the blue glow of twilight we turned down a dirt road. And for half an hour I saw nothing but the dirt road illuminated by the car's headlights. Then the scene appeared. Behind a barbed wired fence whose entrance was guarded by what looked like some government security agency, they let us pass through without stopping. Inside the "complex" was less elaborate than what the fence told. Five tents and a fifty yard wide hole. The sound of generators were deafening, and the whole place was lit by several worklights whereupon thousands of moths and other insects fervently bounced off back and forth in the warm summer night.

(to be continued, maybe, yawn.)

November 15, 2007

Neglected.

This blog has been neglected. It has lacked inspiration. It lacks interest. It is in a sad state. And it hasn't been healthy. The blog has been smoking and drinking recklessly. One pull up and 8 push ups was all it could muster. A climb up three flight of stairs almost killed it. It looks into the future and could only see six months. Pondering questions relentlessly, and then pondering the same ones afterwards without even remembering. Indecisive, unable to communicate, and lack of proper hygiene.

March 18, 2007

The Masterpiece



An old man is meticulously writing his masterpiece.

"...and finally, the end." the man writes by pen into the
manuscript. He gently closes the book and holds it up to admire the bindings. Five years was how long it took to write this one. He looks over at his manservant.

"Walter, I am done with my masterpiece.", the old man declares.

"And a fine one it is sir. I'd say it is your best one yet. Do you want me to put it with the others?" says the man servant.

"But of course Walter. But of course."

Walter carefully picks up the manuscript and walks away. The old man pulls out a new pen to start another. Walter walks through several rooms and down a flight of stairs down into the furnace room. He open's the furnace and tosses the book inside.

March 16, 2007

I am a smoker.


I am a quitter, I have quit many things in my life. I've quit jobs, schools, exercise, saving money, amongst other things, the list goes on. You get the picture. But the one thing that I absolutely can not quit, is the love of my life, smoking. In many ways it has been a boon to my existence, massaging my shoulders during times of stress while at the same time stabbing my air sacs with microscopic particles to remind me massages are not for free. I am losing focus here...

HELL! I just quite Myspace and am having no withdrawal symptoms. I've quitted booze for periods of time. I know it is an addiction, but I quit other addictions that are not to be mentioned here. So if you are a kid and have managed to stumble upon this blog, and are contemplating lighting up a sweet sweet cigarette, I guess the name means miniature cigar or feminine cigar or something. cigar-ette....They call them fags in the UK. Did you know that?

I am rambling. Kids, don't do it. Your life depends on it.

February 19, 2007

America and the Suburbs


I am silent. I sit and listen and smile politely and quietly judge you. You my friend have made some mistakes in your life, as I hear often. I have not. If there was a picture of perfection in the dictionary, it would be a picture of me. I tell you nothing of myself and there is a reason. I've been down this road before, I will not give you the fuel to run your empathy machine. There is nothing in common between you and I. Nor can you judge me. But even if you did know anything about me, you would find nothing. Really. There is not much that is intriguing hidden away under this charismatic stone cold fascade. You say to live life now. We will see about that when I am fifty and have a secure 401k savings plan, a nice house, and car. You say that you like to smoke and drink. We would see who is laughing when someone comes down with terminal lung cancer or cirrosis of the liver. I will give you a hint, that person would not be me. I would be the one dancing and laughing at your grave. Oh yeah, I will be dancing with my kids who shall carry my legacy on forever. They will still talk about me generations to come. And we would all be dancing on 5000 dollar Segways. Because we would be rich. We shall see who was right. I am. Life is long, play soft.

December 08, 2006

I don't know what is going on anymore...


(long time since last post, this is a work in progress, as they all are --hh 12/07/06)

My job as the forklift operator has taken its toll upon my health. Back and forth, shipping boxes of chicken legs from the truck to the freezer and on to another truck. Fourteen hour days, and no time to think. I cough. Sometimes, I think briefly about my future. It is not in agreement with what I had pictured. I used to have dreams, and in those dreams, hope existed. And now those dreams are dead, hope is dead, and oblivion awaits.

I have problems sleeping after work. I walk the city in a haze. My heart thumping in my chest, the cause being either, over exertion, or the beer mixed with the painkillers. I am a ghost blending into the ether. Camouflaged into nothing. I pass out at my door step. The next morning I wake up in bed, I tell the woman next to me to leave. She is fifty, I am thirty, way too old. Old enough to be my mother. She cries and somberly picks up her clothes. I feel sorrow for a moment. And then she is gone.

The day at work was a mixture of sedatives and coffee. The boss yelled at me for working too slowly. I gave him the finger when he wasn't looking. If only had the backbone to quit. Today's task was moving chicken from freezer #3 to freezer #4 because freezer #3 needed maintenance. The only problem being that freezer #4 was already full. I told the boss this and he said if I could not do it, then he would find someone else that could. So I shoved everything inside the best I could. If they wanted to ship, for example, the honey glazed legs today(packed in the furthest region), then that would be a problem.

In the early evening, I barely made it to my couch. Sitting in a forklift all day, sounds relaxing, but it is not. The stiffness of my body was uncomfortable until I took the muscle relaxers. My kids called. I talked to them for a little bit, asked them how their grades were. Its the same routine everytime. I know the only reason they called was because their mother needed more money besides the child support. I asked them to put mommy on the phone. She explains what they need. I am sure its for her and not them. Then I send the money. What am I going to do with the money anyhow? All I do is work and sleep. And of course drink. But there is always something left over.

I awake at midnight. The city lights seem brighter than the day at times. It filters in through my shades and onto my face. I get up and look in the fridge for food. Nothing.

I put on my jacket and go to get something. I pass a bar on the way. Why not?

I show up the next day at work still drunk. The boss has seen me like this before and looks the other way. I'm all smiles and flirt with the office secretary. She doesn't even look at me, my judgement is poor. I feel ashamed for a moment and hop into the forklift....and fall asleep. I awoke to the pain of the 4ton machine pinned on my leg. Evidently, I drove it off of the dock leaving me where I lie at the moment. My coworkers get together and try to right the machine. I scream at the slightest movement. Paramedics come and give me morphine. From ambulance I arrive at the ER. The doctor mumbles something to me, and I nod my head. They put a breathing apparatus over my face and the next thing I know I am in a hospital bed.

I look around the room and see my kids, ex-wife, and her new boyfriend. My kids look worried so I smile and that reassured them. They smiled back. The doctor walks into the room and says something to me and my wife. He is asking a question, I just nod my head. He gives me something intraveniously and I get real tired. The doctor puts his hand on my shoulder and tells me something. And before I fall asleep, I thought, 'no fucking way'.

I walk the streets with my music player. It plays the old R&B classics, the music I like. "Whats going on?" My other hand supports me with a crutch. I ask people for money. Missing a leg makes many feel generous. When they tell me to buy myself a hot meal. I tell them 'hell no, I am not buying food, I am buying booze!' Why lie? How else can I keep the good times rolling and expurge my sins by vomiting blood.

My favorite song comes on and I start hopping around on one leg like a madman. People look at me. And I say, 'go away!' Can't a man enjoy his music in peace. Somebody points out that their is no music and I do not have a radio. And I tell them, its not a radio (fucking fools!) that it is an MP3 player with a tuner. What is this 19-fucking-95? This is the future man, and I am a time traveler!

A young man approaches me and calls me dad or something. I scream with spit that dribbles down my beard. And he leaves.